The Innkeepers (Ti West, 2012)

What's it about? On its final weekend of opening, the last two bored employees of the Yankee Pedlar Inn decide to find out if there's any truth to the rumours that it is haunted. They find nothing and the film ends without incident. Only joking! Naturally, they find more than they bargained for.

Is it any good? Well, you decide from this survey that I filled out after watching it.

Would Sir like to complete a survey on his stay with us? I suppose.
Was it scary? No.
Did it make you jump? No.
Perhaps a bit uneasy? No.
Did it make any sense? No.
Holy Shit! Was that Kelly McGillis? Yes.
I thought she was a retired lesbian now? Me too.
Remember when she got her tits out in Witness? Yeah - great days.
Does she get them out in this? No.
Any gratuitous nudity at all? No.
Pity. Anyway, did it have a good story at least? No.
Good acting? Meh.
Good direction? Yes. If by good you mean shit.
That bad? Worst film I've seen this year. And I've seen Tower Heist.
Would Sir be coming back again? Not a fucking chance.
Thank you for your time. I wish I could say the same about the film.

I don't trust you. What do others think? Astonishingly, there are some people who think this is not bad - the DVD cover is festooned with 4 and 5 star ratings and gushing endorsements, including some from reliable enough sources. I can only assume these people had been possessed by some particularly retarded spirit whilst watching it. Or maybe it was me that was possessed, but I doubt it. Anyway, must go, I've only gone and got my head stuck in the kettle again.

What does the Fonz think? Not worth a visit.

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