Mind.
Blown.
Now, once you've recovered from that, why not take a quick check over a few films heading our way this year. Let's start with...
THE AWARD HOPEFULS
Lincoln (Released January)
Shaping up to be a big award contender as Spielberg tries to makes amends for the limp War Horse with this historical political drama. Rather than tell a total biopic, this focuses on the period of Abraham Lincoln's life in which he fought to abolish slavery whilst the Civil War raged. In news that will surprise nobody, Daniel Day-Lewis is apparently outstanding in the lead role, having watched Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure several times to study exactly how Lincoln walked and talked.
Zero Dark Thirty (Released January)
Presumably stunned into inactivity by the Oscars showered upon her previous offering, the good-but-not-that-great The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow has taken four years to direct a follow-up movie. Obviously not one to fix what ain't broke, she chances her arm again in the war arena with this account of the manhunt for Osama Bin Laden. Think Homeland, but with less cry faces.
Django Unchained (Released January)
Did you know you can chart the quality of Tarantino's films on your computer by simply placing your finger at the top left of the screen and moving it diagonally to the bottom right? I know! Amazing! However, despite this downward trajectory, the buzz is loud for his latest offering, a foray into the Western genre starring Jamie Foxx, Leonardo DiCaprio, Samuel L. Jackson and Christoph Waltz. Expect bloody violence, much use of the 'n' word and a pile of obscure Western references.
THE BLOCKBUSTERS
Elysium (Released September)
A sci-fi spectacular set amongst the stars, which include Matt Damon and Jodie Foster. Director Neill Blomkamp displayed a sure hand with his satirical debut feature, District 9, so let's hope he can deliver on that promise.
Man of Steel (Released June)
Superman gets a reboot, with everyone involved hoping that producer Christopher Nolan can bring the same magic touch to the Man in Pants that he did with Batman. But wait! What's this? Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) is directing? Oh. Well, that's that, then.
Monsters University (Released July)
Pixar's annual box-office behemoth is a prequel to 2001's excellent Monsters Inc., which tells us how Mike and Sully became such good friends whilst studying to be better monsters. I bet you a million dollars there's an Animal House gag in there.
THE SEQUELS
A Good Day to Die Hard (Released February)
The Die Hard franchise lives up to its name, staggering bloodily onwards with a fifth instalment, which attempts to freshen up things by having John McClane team up with his estranged son to fight the baddies. Yeah, because that worked soooo well in Indiana Jones 4, didn't it?
Star Trek Into Darkness (Released May)
JJ Abrams' first reboot of the Star Trek franchise was surprisingly enjoyable, so hopes are high that he can push on from that with the sequel, which brings hot-to-trot Benedict Cumberbatch on board for villain duties. Will it be a success second time round as well, or will it incur the Wrath of Fans?
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Released December)
The first instalment was a bit too meandering for most viewers, but there was still enough tantalising stuff to make a return to Middle-Earth something to look forward to next winter. Smaug is pronounced Schmowg, apparently.
THE LITERARY ADAPTATIONS
The Great Gatsby (Released May)
A fabulous looking trailer for the long-awaited adaptation by Baz Luhrmann, here reunited with Leonardo Di Caprio for the first time since Romeo + Juliet. Expect Fitzgerald's classic to be tarted up with flashy visuals and a funky soundtrack. Jay-Z has been helping out with that, but don't let that put you off.
Cloud Atlas (Released February)
David Mitchell's 2004 novel told 6 interconnected stories, set in different eras, which resonate with each other across time. If ever a book seemed 'unfilmable' this was it. But, lo and behold, here's the film, starring the likes of Tom Hanks, Halle Berry and Hugh Grant amongst others. The men behind the camera are the Wachowski brothers, who directed The Matrix. Except they're brother and sister now, since Larry had a sex change in the 2000s and became Lana. No, really, he did.
Ender's Game (Released October)
Long considered a sci-fi classic, Orson Scott Card's tale of child soldiers fighting an interstellar war has finally made it to the big screen. It remains to be seen if the film effectively captures the integral zero-gravity fight scenes, but if it does, this could be a goer. And for those who think it rather unbelievable that children could master complicated controls and fight like this, have you ever seen a 3-year old on a Nintendo DS?
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
I'm So Excited (released May)
No, not the Pointer Sisters biopic, but the latest from Pedro Almodovar, who is usually good for an antidote to standard Hollywood fare. Set entirely on a plane, this ensemble comedy involves a group of people confessing thier sins and secrets when they fear the plane will crash. Not that you'd know that from the trailer.
Snow Piercer (released Autumn)
The English language debut film from Bong Joon-Ho, the man responsible for the excellent South Korean thrillers Mother and Memories of Murder, as well as the well-received monster movie The Host. This futuristic thriller is set after an ice-age has enveloped the planet, leaving alive only the passengers of the Snow Piercer, a train upon which a class system has evolved. But revolution is brewing. Chris Evans, John Hurt, Ed Harris and Tilda Swinton are all on board.
Queen of the Desert (released Winter)
Werner Herzog's biopic of Gertrude Bell, the adventuress known as the 'female Lawrence of Arabia' sounds like the sort of epic undertaking that resulted in the likes of Fitzcarraldo and Aguirre, The Wrath of God. Herzog doesn't have Klaus Kinski this time, unfortunately, but he does have Robert Pattinson. And that's almost as good. Isn't it? Anyone?
So there we go. A whistle stop tour through a few films coming our way in 2013. Naturally you can read all about them here when I finally get round to seeing them in 2014. Although perhaps I should be more proactive and listen more to the advice of my old pal, Jean-Luc Picard. Happy viewing.
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